a new chapter
I've packed one box and one tub. Before I left for Thanksgiving, I pulled all of my food and dishes out of the middle area. I now own nothing in the common area except one chair. I look at my small little room and wonder, How did I get to this point? This was supposed to be the best year, I was rooming with three friends and we were supposed to have the time of our lives. But I'm packing up halfway through, getting ready to move out. I really feel more pushed out. And I hate it when other people control what I do. I'm moving out because something went horribly wrong and we can hardly stand to be in the same room with each other for long.I find myself deleting and blocking people from my life. And not just her, I've finally blocked him from my life too. I've never been one to put up a permanent wall and not allow for change. At least not with friends. I've always held the door open just a little so that if someone wanted to sneak back in so we could work things out, they could. But it feels oddly good to put a full block on him. Before I was still tempted to check what he was up to, but now I can't even do that. Which is good, because neither can he. It's not what I wanted at all. I was willing to stay friends. I wanted to stay friends. But he drew the line clearly for me, even if he couldn't see it himself.
Like I said, I'm not one to take orders. Orders. You may be in the military now, but that doesn't mean I am. I don't have to do what you say, or even listen if I don't want. My life never revolved around you, so why should I hurt other people just to spend some uncomfortable time with you? I have a boyfriend that you don't even know, and I hope never will know. You don't have even an ink blot's worth of right to insult him, to insult me, and it's not funny, and you knew that! I asked you to stop, no I begged you to stop, so we could still be friends. I don't know what it was you couldn't get over, but I wasn't waiting on you. You made a choice way before I left. You used me. How can you expect me to drop my life, and someone who truly loves me, for you? How is that fair? You never wanted me, you just wanted me to want you. And that is so far from what I have now. I have something amazing now, something you have never had. And I'm not even sure if you deserve to have someone love you. I don't think you would love them back, and I know how that feels. No one deserves that. So let me be happy.
I've finally opened a new chapter in my life.
posted by Caity @ 5:43 PM
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