and everything starts today

wake up... life is calling you home

9:30 am, Monday, February 18th.

My phone rings and Dad is on the other line; he sounds like you sound just after a car accident, scared and out of breath. I am not fully awake yet, as we do not have school on President's Day. What I comprehend out of the conversation is Mom... hospital... some high numbers, blood pressure... another big number, heart rate... doctors don't know what's wrong... love you, bye. click.

I sit stunned for a moment in my bed before my entire body shakes and tears trickle down my cheeks. I get out of bed, take the few steps to the door of my room, turn around, get back into bed. I look at Rochelle, asleep, and for some reason I don't want to wake her. Instead, I text Eric to see if he is awake yet. No answer for what seems like forever. My mind is racing and my senses are screaming... who else would be awake right now? Weston. I text him the same thing, he responds right away. Where are you?... Third floor lobby.

I get down out of bed, grab my jacket and slip out of the room. When I walk up to Weston, I give him a hug before he can even look up from his physics and begin to cry. He immediately puts me in his lap and I spill the story... how my mom is in the hospital and I don't know what happened, or what is going on, or when I will hear from them again. He works on calming me down and distracting me from the situation. My phone buzzes. Eric. I call and ask him to come to Knowles. Is anything wrong? Yes. I'll tell you when you get here. Bridger appears in the lobby and quietly sits down across from Weston and me. A few moments later, Eric walks up the stairs in the T-shirt and pants he was wearing yesterday. I can't recall words for a short moment, then I spill. My mom's in the hospital. Something wrong with her heart. This brings on a new wave of tears and I switch over to his lap. I'm sniffling, the tears are rolling, and I'm shaking on top of it.

I grab my jacket and a tissue from my room and we walk out of Knowles. Eric takes me to a bench in the sunlight by the river. I grasp my cell phone in one hand and his hand in the other. I can't stop shaking. We sit for a while looking out at the river. At some point, we decide to go downtown to a diner for something to eat. He orders a stack of blueberry pancakes and we split a Black Forest shake.

We walk out of downtown to the hospital to see Sarah, who was in the ER the night before with a stick through her neck from a skiing accident. She seems alright, a little loopy on drugs, but recovering. Dad calls me while I'm in her room and I walk quickly from the room. He tells me that Mom thought he might have scared me this morning and that she is fine... well, not fine, but... okay. The whole time I just want to hear Mom's voice, to know that she is still there. It's not enough to be told that she is stable, I guess in the back of my mind I need the reassurance the sound of her voice would give. But she is still in ICU, so I won't get that today.

Eric and I walk back to campus... he has frisbee practice. When I can finally bear to let go of my phone, I decide to take a hot shower. Joe and Rochelle have figured out that something is up, and bring me food from Staggering Ox. Then Rochelle, Joe, Eric, and I go to the ice rink. We skate for an hour, maybe more, and it helps take my mind off the situation. I am actually smiling for the first time since I woke up that morning.

My thoughts wander between how my mom is doing, how my dad is taking it, and how I would handle this without someone there to hold me. The fact that Eric is there to give me a shoulder to cry on and an arm to cling to means so much. It seems ridiculous to try to put it to words, words aren't enough. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for worrying with me. Thank you for everything.

posted by Caity @ 3:12 PM