and everything starts today

friends...?

I was reading Brennan's blog today and it got me thinking. He was talking about how his friends have changed over the years. That really applies to me too. If you add moving into the equation, I haven't had a friend last for more than three years.

I had good prospects in Georgia--no cares in the world. We lived there for about 5 years, but I switched schools in second grade. It didn't take long for me to meet Kimberly--my best friend. But even the best of friends can't stay that way when they are 10 years old and trying to talk to each other across several states. I see her occasionally, but we've changed so much since elementary school. Last time I saw her, she was a short cheerleader. The cheerleader part surprises me.

When we moved here, I met Sam first. Sam is a good friend, but I don't know if I've ever really known her. I probably should have stopped there. But my class of girls was... I don't know if there's a word for it. Probably the closest would be insane! I got caught up in the typical backstabbing world of teenagers. I've never had a real friend out of that group. Those years taught me not to trust people and to be more independent. That was the only way I could make it through, and that was only middle school.

Actually, I had a friend who stayed for about a year in middle school. Brittney was a complete rebel and knew she didn't have to take those girls if she didn't want to. But she moved away in a hurry and left me back where I had been--alone.

I entered high school with a strong will to do what I wanted and be a non-conformist. Dana is probably the closest thing to a friend I've had in a long time. I have others, but I still find things to surprise me with all of them. I'm not saying there aren't things that surprise me about Dana--there are. But she's not so concerned with the "she said, he said" crap.

So some people wonder why I can't just relax and be myself--well that's why. There's something up there telling me that anything I say or do will come back to haunt me and blow up in my face. And I'm just not used to talking to people and being able to say exactly what I want to them. Jason thinks I do this because I'm mean or something. Well...I have trust issues.

Sometimes I wonder if we hadn't moved, would I be this way?

posted by Caity @ 8:42 AM